Something I Found, Inspiring

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I was going through my feed on twitter, and specifically paying attention to the inspirational tweets by tinybuddha. Usually it's a thought-provoking quote, but many times there are links to articles. This one, which I have lovingly copy-and-pasted for your convenience, I felt I needed to share.

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5 Rules for Life

by Lori Deschene

When I first sat down to write this piece for 5 Rules for Life, I wrote Live without rules five times, each followed by a reason to keep your approach to life flexible. The way you live is largely a reflection of where you’ve been, who you’ve been, and the beliefs you’ve formed. Who am I to create a cookie-cutter hard-and-fast code that makes sense for everyone?

That’s when I realized I’d need to make a sixth rule to introduce these ideas: judge my words, and anyone else’s against your own reason and moral code.

Buddha said, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.”

The Dalai Lama echoed that sentiment with, “The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual’s own reason and critical analysis.”

Be critical. I invite it. These ideas help me, and they may or may not help you.

With that, I give you five guidelines that have helped me feel happy, fulfilled, and meaningful:

1. Be honest with yourself.

One of the most valuable skills you’ll learn in life is the ability to call yourself out—when you’re playing it safe because you’re scared to fail, or maybe even scared to succeed; or you’re closing off your heart because you’re afraid of being hurt.

In the moment it feels comforting. You can do what you always did, and not push yourself into unfamiliar territory. But we tend to regret the things we didn’t do more than the things we did.

Don’t lie to yourself about your instincts or motivations. It may feel safe in the moment, but it will one day grow into regret about who you could have become.

2. Let yourself be vulnerable.

I once felt there was nothing more terrifying than letting go of control. I held a tight grip on who I really was because I wanted to shape other people’s perceptions of me. I had a very limited list of approved adjectives: smart, kind, talented, successful, awesome.

I don’t love knowing someone may form a different opinion of me. But it’s liberating to honor where I’m at in any moment, and let people decide for themselves what they think about that. When you’re willing to be seen as someone who makes mistakes and has flaws, you’re essentially telling yourself being human isn’t something to be ashamed of.

People may sometimes form judgments. But they’ll respect your authenticity, and they may learn to let go a little themselves—something that can be a tremendous relief.

3. Live in accordance with your values.

Everyone has a different idea of what’s important, and what it means to be a good person. If you try to align your life with someone else’s values, you’ll likely feel unfulfilled.

If your main source of joy is spending time with your family, would it really make sense to take on a high-paying job that limits the time you can spend with them?

Make a list of the cornerstones of your happiness, and then take an honest inventory of your current situation. Does it parallel the priorities you listed?

4. See as much as you can of what’s right in front of you.

People often live life caught in two mental strongholds: regret for the past, and worry for the future. In looking back on the years I’ve lived so far, I know I’ve spent more time engaging in those activities than truly being present.

Whenever I catch myself, I check in with my five senses and experience what’s in front of me as fully as I possibly can.

I notice the details. Hear the sounds. And seep into the moment. I know I won’t do this all the time, but it adds up to create more time truly living in the now.

5. Treat yourself like you want other people to treat you.

It happens all the time. You don’t get a job, you start reviewing all your failures. You hurt a friend, you start beating yourself up.

We make mistakes, and we always will. As long as you acknowledge them, make amends as best you can, and learn from them there’s no reason to stop treating yourself with kindness.

Other people will take their cue from you. You decide how you deserve to be treated.

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Find more inspiration like this on the tinybuddha blog!

Something Inspiring I stumbled across

(a 1997 Commencement Address)

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.